Ode to a Sacrificial Lamb
by trishberry
Summary: She was an amazing woman, his best friend and the love of his life. Why did she always have to do this to him?


Time is an equalizer.

Time is relative.

Time is all we have.

A minute of pleasure is never enough. In agony, a minute is unbearable. But it's still just a minute.

Sixty seconds of his life ticking by, being taunted by the clock on the wall. The hands of time stood witness over him. And all he could do was count. And wait.

One minute. That was all it took for her to be gone. All it took for him to be changed forever.

The minute she kissed him and let go, it was over all too soon. They never wanted it to end. In that minute his heart broke never to be whole again.

In that minute the clock stood still, the minute frozen forever.

Bonnie made the ultimate sacrifice for the people she loved and Damon was left with the task of making things right again.

Nothing would be right until he got her back.

* * *

 **Two Minutes Earlier**

Damon wanted to say no. Absolutely not! No way in all of hell.

But of course, he couldn't.

He could only stand there in front of Bonnie and wish that things weren't the way they were.

He reached over and cupped her chin between his thumb and forefinger. He forced her face up to his, forced her to look into at him. He wanted her to see the anguish in his eyes, the sadness etched in every line of his face. Her green eyes were heavy with shadows. Tears shimmered in their depths spilling over and down the perfect curve of her cheek. His anguish was mirrored in her. His sadness traced identical lines over her features.

If only he hadn't been too late in realizing. If only he had told her sooner.

 _I love you._

It seemed so simple now.

He gently held her face with both his hands, his thumbs slowly wiping the trail of tears away from her cheeks.

She was shaking. Fine tremors ran through her body. He felt each one; she was standing so close to him.

"Please, Damon," she whispered, her voice tinged with desperation and a soul-hurt sadness that pierced straight through him.

How could he say no? How could he be the one to hold her back?

"Please let me go," she begged again. How could he not?

Because he _couldn't_. That's why.

He leaned his forehead against hers. "I can't Bon," he whispered. He never expected it to hurt like this. He never suspected he _loved_ her this much.

Her hands crept up his chest, crumpling his shirt in her fist. He reached over and pulled her hand and splayed it over his heart. Though it didn't beat, he knew she could feel it breaking.

"I already said yes," she said in an aching whisper. "I've already agreed _._ " And with those words, she reached up and pulled his lips to hers.

Her lips were soft, softer than he'd ever could've imagined. He pulled her flush against him, feeling her heat, shaping her into him. He would have to remember this moment. He would have to remember the way she fit into his arms. It would have to last him, what might end up being, forever.

And so he kissed her with every fiber of his being. Pouring his soul into it, wishing he could take her away from this. He bit her lower lip and she moaned softly, a sound of desire and regret. He groaned and devoured her lips again, crushing them against his with near-desperation.

He wanted to say, _stay_. He wanted to pull her into his arms and whisk her away. He wanted her to be _his_ forever. He just wanted a chance.

Finally, she pulled away. She was still crying as she laid her fingertips in a feather-light caress over his lips. "No," she murmured. "This has to be enough."

And with those words, she spun around and disappeared into the darkness.

* * *

Damon stood there missing her warmth, his lips still burning from her kiss, his body thrumming with ache. He was afraid that if he tried to move, if he tried to run after her, he would just break.

He never would have guessed that anything could _hurt_ this much. Nothing he's seen or had been taught could have ever prepared him for this kind of agony. Not even Elena. The pain was inside, but he could feel it in his fingertips still throbbing from having her in his arms and then losing her. Just like that.

 _Enough?_ How could it ever be enough?

But he knew the answer. Bonnie had whispered it to him. _It_ _ **has**_ _to be enough._

He took a haggard breath. He fought the sob that tried to break through him. He focused on the red of his pain, his body shaking with a mix of rage and hurt. He roared out and punched the wall beside him. His hand broke through the wood and plaster easily. The physical pain was welcome. It dulled the ache inside of him for a moment. It made him feel alive, if only to feel this pain. He slowly pulled his fist out and lifted it up to his face, looking at the scratches as blood trickled down his arm.

He took a deep breath and willed his broken heart into ice. He straightened his spine and imagined that he could gather all the hurt from every inch of his body and force it into a tiny box inside his heart. He gritted his teeth. Then he forced one foot in front of the other. He walked through the door she had disappeared through. He walked through the multitude of silent and solemn family and friends to stand at the frontlines.

Someone, probably Stefan, tried to offer him a hand in support, but he shook his head simply.

It would not be necessary. Tonight, he wouldn't need it.

He watched with cold detachment as Bonnie walked over towards Cade.

She had said yes. Of course she had gone and done the stupidest, craziest, _bravest_ thing she could. _Of course_.

She traded her freedom and her life to Cade in exchange for the lives of her friends.

Bonnie was the glue after all; the glue that held their makeshift family together. Whether they admitted it to themselves or not, everyone knew that and it didn't take Cade long to figure it out. Bonnie with her magic was almost unstoppable. He wanted and needed her.

His demands were simple, in exchange for Bonnie everyone else got to live. No harm would come to Caroline, Matt, Stefan and Damon if she just left with him. And as an added bonus he'd get Kai to bring Elena back. So Bonnie went Bonnie on them and agreed.

She walked with her head tilted at a cocky angle, her chin up, a disdainful smirk on her face. Her arms hanging straight at her sides, fists balled, as Cade pushed her forward. She stopped in her tracks and turned to glare at him until he backed away, her face blazing with feral beauty.

 _That's my girl_. Damon thought sadly to himself.

At that exact moment she lifted her eyes to look at him and the mask of courage slipped slightly and he saw just how terrified she was, just how big the sacrifice was. And he saw just how much she loved him too. He had no doubt that she knew this was probably how she was going to die; for good. He could see it in her eyes. He fought the thoughts that began screaming at him, telling him that he would never see her again.

She ducked inside the awaiting vehicle; and just like that, she was gone.

* * *

Damon closed his eyes letting himself wallow in the memory of her in his arms, the taste of her lips on his. He let the pain wash over him for that moment. Then he opened his eyes and they were ice cold again. She was right: it has to be enough. He was really _trying_ to believe that.

It was the greatest blow the devil would ever deliver. In one move he managed to figuratively kill Damon and anybody else that loved Bonnie. Leaving them empty shells of their former selves.

"Why?"

Not sure of who was speaking to him, Damon turned to his left and found himself staring straight into the red-rimmed eyes of Caroline Forbes. There was an eerie silence between them, punctuated by Caroline's deep, sobbing breaths. Damon felt paralyzed, unable to comfort her, not really knowing how. All he knew was that he understood Bonnie.

"Why?" Caroline whispered again.

With a deep sigh he finally answered, "It's who she is. She can't turn it off. She would have done anything for us; for the people she cared about."

Caroline looked at him, her eyes emblazoned with anger and swimming in tears. "I _never_ asked her for _anything_!"

Damon stared at her, not knowing how to explain.

"Sometimes, you don't have to ask. Sometimes… it's just the way it is." He shook his head trying to find the words that would give Caroline some sense of peace, but knowing he wouldn't be able to.

"We were important to her; we meant something. For that something, she would do anything."

That seemed to be a good enough explanation for Caroline… for now at least.

There was that word again.

Enough.

He turned his back to Caroline, trying to will the tears away. It wasn't enough for him to just love her and not be able to hold her again. She said it had to be, but it wasn't. It never would be.

He was going to get her back. Even if it ended up being the last thing he ever did.


End file.
